Suppose your love of dancing is known throughout your community. Suppose that at tonight’s dance you’ve not only waltzed and tangoed through the first five dances, but did so with a variety of partners and always with a genuine smile on your face. Comes now a young gentleman to ask if he might have the next dance with you. He follows every detail of the prescribed social niceties of the ask. His reputation is not that of a rake or a scoundrel. You say, “No, thank you.”
The young man has at least three choices before him. He can walk away politely. Or, he can “politely” pursue the issue, asking, “Are you injured? Perhaps you are tired and I might ask again in a while?” or he can have a meltdown like your three year old nephew who missed his nap and is denied cotton candy at the county fair. The third option we all reject. The first option we all recognize as a legitimate option. It’s the second option that is unclear. We can clear it up rather easily however, with one question- is the young man owed an explanation? No, of course not. That doesn’t mean I necessarily fault the man for asking. But if his probing questions are met with a polite albeit cards-to-the-chest response of “no” he is left with only the first and third choices. If he takes his “no’s” politely and politely walks away, no trouble. If, however, your answers push him toward a sputtering fit of frustration, well, he thinks he is owed something he is not.
Chances are this chain of events has not happened to you, from either side of the equation. Chances are they never will. But this exercise in imagination should remind us to, even with friends, guard our boundaries, and not cross theirs. We live in the information age, and google never says, “None of your business.” We are inclined therefore to think everything is our business. Too often we even think we are google, and owe an answer to anyone who asks. Which is just how the devil wants it.
When Cyrus sent Nehemiah to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem, Nehemiah went on his way to do just that. When Sanballat saw what was going on he was none too pleased. Did he send a message to Cyrus, “Dear Majesty, What gives?”? No, he went after Nehemiah. He sputtered and spewed. He threatened and falsely accused. He demanded that Nehemiah come and explain himself. Nehemiah just kept building. He had been given a job to do. He was faithful to his own vision and to the calling of his king. And he would not stop the work to explain to those who objected of its legitimacy. He just kept at it.
Our enemies, and even our friends can all too easily become the sand in our gears. Worse, we can become the sand in theirs. Perhaps we would all do well to put this as frontlets before our eyes, “Who are you to judge another man’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand” (Romans 14:4). To put it another way, “Dance with the One who brung you.”
“Our enemies and even our friends can all too easily become the sand in our gears. Worse, we can become the sand in theirs”. This reminds me of the opening chapter of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero –in which he tells a story of the lack of boundaries causing his daughter to nearly drown in the family pool.