There is one tell-tale fruit, but it may take a long time for it to happen. And even then you likely won’t see it. But here’s the fruit nonetheless — if the sinner ends up in heaven, you will know they had truly repented. If not, they likely had not. I understand the desire to know the sincerity of another’s repentance. I’ve been in countless pastoral situations wherein it seemed like the answer to that one question — is this person truly repentant — determined the answer to every other question about what should be done. Trouble is, God has not been pleased to give us the means to peer into the souls of others.
So what do we do? Consider the case of adultery, an all too common grievous sin. Suppose I am unfaithful to my wife. Suppose I claim to be repentant. What ought she to do? The Bible says that she is free to divorce me, but is not required to do so. Many times her decision is bound up in this question — is he repentant? But that’s not really the question. If I am repentant, her duty is to forgive me. But her duty is not to remain married to me. If I am feigning repentance, and she decides to stay with me, but later determines my repentance isn’t sincere, even if I so confess, she is not free to divorce me. That’s why my counsel in these circumstances is to encourage thinking through this question- would you, knowing what you now know, marry this person? If not, forgive and divorce. If so, forgive and stay together. But you don’t need to know if the repentance is sincere.
One parenthetical thought. I consider it good evidence, though not compelling proof, that a person is sincere in their repentance if they repent before their offense is known, and if they repent of what would otherwise never be known. Such doesn’t mean, on the other hand, that only this kind of repentance is sincere. David was busted by Nathan before he came to repentance. But I doubt anyone would doubt his sincerity after reading Psalm 51.
A second parenthetical thought. Remember that repentance doesn’t undo sin. It merely acknowledges that it can’t be undone. In like manner, repentance doesn’t atone for sin. Jesus does. The inescapable conclusion is, how much repentance is “enough?” It’s never enough. All of us, no matter how deeply we might repent, ought to repent for the shallowness of our repentance.
The hope that time will tell is elusive. The unrepentant can appear repentant for a long time. The repentant, on the other hand, sin all the time, making it all too easy to doubt their repentance. In the end, therefore, all we are left to do is to exercise our best judgment, and I would argue, to practice a judgment of charity. Perhaps the best indicator I know of is this — is the sinner owning their sin, and standing ready to do whatever is necessary to make right, as much as is possible what they have done. Which is to say, the repentant are those who repent. Can the unrepentant fake this? Yes, but usually they do not.
We cannot go through our lives afraid that we might forgive the unrepentant. We ought to go through our lives afraid we have failed to forgive the repentant. With the former we may allow ourselves to be wronged, with the latter we are wronging others.
It is all too easy, when dealing with a rather crafty devil, to lose sight of the real battle. As we witness the broader unbelieving culture sink ever more deeply into foolishness we exhibit our own foolishness when we think this is the end game of our enemy. The devil has precious little interest in making an unbelieving culture more unbelieving. In the great war between the seed of the serpent and the seed of the woman we know this- the seed of the serpent is already blind, enslaved, dead. Thus the serpent has no need to blind them, to bind them, to kill them.
If we would rightly understand the end game of Obergfell we would understand this not as an issue of Republican versus Democrat, not even as an issue of just how far unbelieving Americans might sink. Instead we would see it for what it was, not an assault on marriage, but an assault on the church. The relationship of Jesus and His church is the reality of which human marriage is the reflection. Men who practice perversion in private taking their perversion public isn’t much of a victory for old Scratch. Getting Christians to give up on marriage, now that is something to crow about.
With each passing week we have one of Big Eva’s ladies in waiting kissing a biblical sexual ethic goodbye, some progressive evangelical bemoaning their friend’s deconstruction of their faith over mean traditional evangelicals, some Big Steeple People coming to a new understanding that just happens to jibe with the prevailing cultural winds. What the devil is exploiting isn’t our own feeble understanding of manhood and womanhood but our prancing, mincing lack of masculinity. He knows we are cowards who run from battle, and harlots in the pay of the world.
In the meantime we have respectable conservatives acting respectably conservative. Like politicians who say one thing to their base and another when on the world’s stage, we spit and pulpit pound at CPAC while we stroke our beards and write nuanced think pieces for the New York Times. We keep backing up and drawing new lines in the sand while the enemy marches unflinchingly at us.
I remember like it was yesterday “World” magazine insisting that the day the Republican party turned its back on marriage they would turn their back on Republicans and encourage us all to do the same. It was about three election cycles ago. I remember thinking two things- first, no you won’t. Second, I know you won’t because you continually support candidates who promise to work to protect the rights of some parents to murder some unborn children. Anyone willing to bend on the murder of babies will not stand in defense of marriage.
What has our reasonableness, compromise, kowtowing won us? Defeat after defeat after defeat. It takes Matt Walsh, a bold non-evangelical blogger, to stump the heathen with his simple question, “What is a woman?” We continue to offer incense to our patron saint, Gamaliel.
Our calling, however, is to do the right thing, the speak the simple truths that make God’s enemies hate us. The results are in His good hands. He has called us to be faithful, not successful. When we forget this we join the forces of evil. The good news is that God is able to bring to repentance even the worst of sinners.
Dunamis Fellowship and Sovereign Grace Fellowship continue tonight our weekly Bible study at 7 eastern. Tonight, pt. 2 of Meeting Jesus. All are welcome at our home. You can even come early (6:15) and we’ll feed you. You can also watch on Facebook Live, RC-Lisa Sproul. We hope you join us.
Before I seek to provide any help let me first confess that I’m not coming from a position of great victory here. I’ve spent much of my adult life praying that my prayer life would improve (which, of course, is an outstanding first step). I’ve not arrived but God has blessed me, principally through the precious gift of my wife. Here are five changes I’ve noticed in my prayer life in the five years we’ve been married that have been a help.
1. Reading the Bible through yearly is a great help to prayer. This habit begins with hearing God in His Word. When He is speaking, or rather, when we are listening, we are more attuned to Him, more open to speaking with Him, guarded against moving through our days without giving Him much of a thought. For much of my adult life my work kept me regularly in God’s Word. While I’m grateful for that, it’s not the same thing as opening God’s Word morning and evening.
2. Praying morning and evening with my wife has been a great help to prayer. First, I get to be right beside her as she prays. Because my heart is drawn to hers, and hers to mine, we draw each other to His. If you have a spouse I can think of few things more important not only to your prayer life but your Christian walk and your marriage than that the two of you pray together daily.
3. Pray throughout the day. That is, we do not need to choose between extended times of committed prayer and constant times of brief prayers. The practice of moment by moment walking with Him is good in itself but also powerful for improving our intimacy when we devote more time. Think of it this way. If you write lengthy hand-written letters to a dear friend that doesn’t mean you don’t want to send quick texts. And vice-versa. How much more so with the living God?
4. Pray for others. When our attention and concern is directed toward the well-being of others are heart is more in tune with our Lord. This, of course, includes your enemies. Jesus, immediately before and during His passion prayed for His disciples, assured the care of His mother and prayed for those who were torturing Him. Another blessing of praying widely, for many people and their needs is you get to hear more and more reports of God’s gracious responses.
5. Believe what the Bible tells us. We can all talk about the doctrine of God’s imminence, speak to His love, affirm the doctrine of adoption. All of which comes well short of remembering that He is our Father who loves us with a perfect, infinite, immutable, by name love. I often pray, “Lord, I’m not asking You to give me more. I’m asking You to help me better see all that You’ve already given me.” Give thanks. As I type it is snowing outside, yet another occasion to thank God, for both the snow and the warmth He keeps us in in the home He has given us.
We do not bootstrap our way to a better prayer life. The solution isn’t more effort on my part, but more gratitude for all He has already done. I’m praying He will continue to help me grow in my prayer life, and praying He would do that same for you. Will you join me?
If you know much of anything about my father you know he loves the Pittsburgh Steelers. I don’t believe his entrance into glory changed that. In heaven, after all, when we are glorified we are even more us than we are now. What you may not know about him is that he almost enjoyed the offseason as much as the season. He was a draftnik before Mel Kiper needed his first haircut. He studied scouting reports, watched film. In fact, probably the one question he asked me more than any other was this, “What three positions would you draft in the first three rounds?”
He treated the draft itself like it was the Super Bowl. If he believed it went well for the Steelers he was elated. Otherwise it was another soul crushing loss. Over the years there were drafts he was excited about that turned out to be bad ones, others he was upset about that turned out to be good ones. And others where his early assessment proved accurate. One draft, however, stands out above all others in my memory. (No, those of you in the know, I don’t remember his reaction to the Steeler’s legendary, greatest ever draft of 1974. I was 8.) It was when the Steelers drafted Big Ben Roethlisberger. He was over the moon.
Over many of the ensuing years we watched Ben together more times than I can remember. There were moments of disappointment when my father would quietly scold him, “Oh Ben,” he’d say, as if Ben were a pet that had just soiled the carpet- disappointment muted by love and appreciation.
My father entered His reward four years ago. Big Ben is hanging up his cleats after 18 seasons. In zero of those seasons did the Steelers have a losing record. In 11 of those seasons he led us into the playoffs. In three he lead us to the Super Bowl. In two he hoisted the Lombardi trophy. In 18 he gave fans like me and my father reasons to hope, to believe, to rejoice. Together my father and I watched Ben become big, to mature, to grow into his cleats. We watched him weather storms, extend plays, sling the rock, weep, comfort, inspire, serve. We watched him stand tall when surrounded by his enemies, and get back up when they knocked him down. Spanning the Brett Favre/Peyton Manning/Aaron Rodgers/Tom Brady eras Ben earned one record that surpassed them all- he was sacked more than any quarterback in NFL history.
I am grateful for what Big Ben did for my team and my hometown. I’m even more grateful for what he did for my great hero, another great quarterback, my father. I’m most grateful for how Ben, young enough to be my much, much younger brother, made me feel like a little boy again, sitting with my dad, watching the Steelers. Were it any other team I’d be in sackcloth thinking of the typical dark years that tend to follow after the retirement of a franchise quarterback, but the Steelers fielded amazing teams in the interregnum between Bradshaw and Ben. I’m confident they’ll do it again. Still, I look forward to the day when Ben, my dad and I get to talk. “Remember when…”
God blessed you Ben with skill and a determination to succeed. God blessed me with a father who loved you and loved me. God blessed all three of us with His Son, our elder Brother. May He continue to bless you and the Pittsburgh Steelers.
