How do I repent? How do I know when I have repented? If repentance is a gift from God, then what is my role? If I think I have repented but then commit the same sin again, does that mean that I did not in fact repent?
The devil’s name gets at his game. He is far less interested in tempting us into peculiarly heinous sins than he is in accusing us. He is the accuser, the slanderer. His great strength lies in his ability to discourage us, to cause us to doubt the very promises of God. One such promise, one that I wrote about in my book Believing God: 12 Biblical Promises Christians Struggle to Accept, is found in I John, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1:9). This verse is foundational to our hope. We know that we are sinners, and if we forget, Satan is always there to remind us. What we need to remember is that God is in the business of saving sinners.
How do we repent? We enter into the gravity of our sin. We mourn for our rebellion against the true and living God. We do not seek to minimize our sin, nor to rationalize it. We next, however, cry out for forgiveness in Christ. We ask that our Father in heaven might in His grace cover our sin with His blood. And then, we walk away from our mourning, and move into dancing. We celebrate the sure promises of God. We do not prove our former sorrow by wallowing in it, for such is unbelief. We do not parade our sadness as if our sadness could atone for our sins. We rejoice that Christ not only can cover our sin, but has done so.
Then, we endeavor by His grace to put our sin behind us. We seek, as much as is possible, to make right what we have made wrong. And we beseech the God of heaven and earth, that His Spirit might work in us such that we overcome this particular sin.
How do you know when you have repented? When you have done the above. And since, not if, but since repentance is a gift from God, what is your role? All of the above. That God gives you a heart that is able to repent, that He convicts you of your sin doesn’t mean that He repents for you. You repent. And when, not if but when, you commit the same sin again, such does not mean you haven’t repented. It instead means that you need to repent again. As you do so, however, remember that from the moment you embraced the work of Christ for the first time, all your sins, past, present and future, were forgiven once for all. The moment Christ died on Calvary, your sins, past, present and future were atoned for. Remember that in the midst of your repentance your Father in heaven isn’t angry at you, waiting for you to get your repentance right. He is instead loving you as a father, and teaching you how to live a more godly life.
Please remember that the most sincere God-honoring repentance is still tainted with insincerity. Were we wise we would repent often for the anemia of our repentance (as well as for the anemia of our celebration of His forgiveness). Here is where the Devil seeks a toe-hold. The right response is to spit in his face, and to stand under the shadow of the Cross.
My counsel for all those struggling with guilt and repentance is to look to the model. Psalm 51, written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and written after David is confronted by Nathan over his sin with Bathsheba, shows us what repentance looks like, as well as reminds us of the joy of our salvation. Study it carefully, and study it often.
It wasn’t the first time a wife upstaged her husband, and the results were nearly as disastrous. In Eden Eve took the lead, conversed with the devil, bit the fruit, and then served it to her husband. By the time the Reformation came around the bride of Christ, the church, had taken it upon herself to become the mediator between God and man. An institution created to be a help suitable to the second Adam, like a second Eve, the Roman church, desiring to be like God, affirmed that she was the means by which a man might have peace with God. She held the purse strings to merit, to the means of grace, and to grace itself. Rome fell when she affirmed that she saved the lost.
Ever since the serpent has been slithering through a different tack. Rome made herself to be everything, and the serpent has since made the church to be nothing. Oh, we might be willing to confess that on occasion good things can come through the evangelical church. It’s a blessing to hear good preaching. Who doesn’t enjoy time with friends? And then there’s the church softball league. The church as the church, however, what’s that about? Who needs that? I mean, I can download preaching from around the world, I can play rec league instead of church league softball, and I can hang out with the guys from Promise Keepers, instead of the guys from church. What am I missing?
What we’re missing is our mother, the church. She doesn’t nurture us from afar. She doesn’t feed us through the internet. She can’t discipline us when we won’t even acknowledge her. Now my heart breaks for those who have made orphans of themselves. I fear for homes led by men who are so intent on leading their families that they refuse to be led by elders and so lead their own children into rebellion. But what is most frustrating, is when those who won’t acknowledge our common mother yet insist that they are my brother.
If I had a nickel for every story I’ve heard that begins with “Well, my son, uncle, father, friend, roommate, doesn’t belong to a church, but is a Christian” my nickel collection would be the envy of my neighbors. If I had a dime for every “brother” who believes he is owed all the relational goodies of being in the family but who insists that no one will rule over him, well, my nickels would each have someone to play with. This friend can’t understand why her “professing” daughter is shacking up with her girlfriend. That other friend wants to leave his church, without transferring to another church, and yet still wants to be free to come to the Lord’s Table. How can you commune if you have made yourself immune to excommunication?
Friends, I know churches can stink up the joint. Rome did, and it didn’t stop there. But just how repentant are we when we, by refusing to join a church, profess, “Well, I’m a sinner, but not a sinner that might need the grace of discipline. I’m a sinner, but not as bad as all the elders in my town. I’m a sinner, but I’m too good to join that church over there because of their sins.” This kind of repentance looks an awful lot like pride.
It’s true that the work of Christ becomes ours when we by the power of His Spirit trust in that work. It’s true that the thief on the cross never took any membership vows. It’s true if you trust in Him, and end up shipwrecked alone your soul will be safe. But it is also true that on the glorious truth that Jesus is the Son of God the Son of God has built and is building His church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it. It is also true that the church is our Mother, and our calling is to honor her. Our post-modern, western, evangelical low to non-existent ecclesiology isn’t a mere mistake. It isn’t merely bad systematic theology. It is instead deeply and profoundly dangerous. Love your mother. She bore you.
Thesis 34- We must teach our children that the Bible is their family story.
A gracious friend recently gifted me with what may have become something of an anachronism. We in these United States are awash in Bibles. We have study Bibles for just about every station in life, and just about every theological conviction. We have more translations than we can use, and more paraphrases than you can shake a stick at. What we seem to have fewer and fewer of is what were once known as “family Bibles.” These Bibles, of course, contained the Word of God. But that also served a different purpose. The family Bible was where a family recorded the most significant events in that family. The family tree was kept there, and anyone, wanting the see a shorthand version of their own corporate history could find such there at their fingertips.
What may be lost in our plethora of Bibles is this fundamental truth, that every Bible is the family Bible, because the Bible tells the story of our family. If push comes to shove, and we are willing to look at it from something of a scientific perspective, we might be willing to accept this. Adam and Eve, after all, are the very root of our family tree. We all trace a common ancestry back to Noah. Genetically speaking, we have a connection. But there is far more to it.
Our children are constantly being seduced into other faux families. The culture sees our children in demographic terms, as members of particular markets. The culture wants my 14 year old son to see himself as a 14 year old boy, with all that means in terms of clothing, music, even language. But his identity is in Christ. He is an heir of the king, and a child of Abraham.
Which means that when we come to our Bibles we are not coming to study the history of a distant people, and how they related to God. We are not coming to a list of truths. Instead we are reading the story of our own people, and how God related to them. My paternal grandfather served in the African theater in World War II. My grandfather, however many greats back, led our people out of bondage, out of Egypt. My father has served for decades as a teacher of the Bible. My fathers, so many generations back, were prophets called by God to call my other ancestors to repent for their unbelief. Our children sing along with us that father Abraham had many sons, many sons had father Abraham. I am one of them, and so are you. And I am the child of the children who sat upon the knee of Jesus.
The Bible isn’t simply something we believe. It is instead our own story, and the story of our children. It, like a family Bible, defines what and who we are. It marks our boundaries and sets our paths. It sets our place in space and time. Jesus said to His disciples that they would be His witnesses in Jerusalem and Judea, in Samaria and the outermost parts of the world. God, by His grace, brought His grace to a cold and misty northern edge of an island in the North Sea, to Scotland. And there He brought my people in, and better still, made us His people. Our children need to understand that the promise to Abraham that he would be a blessing to the nations is fulfilled in them, and that because of that promise, we who were once not a people are now not only the children of Abraham, but by faith are the children of God.
It is a deep pain to me that for the rest of my life, any time I cross paths with anyone who knew me, the first thing that will come to their mind is Ashley Madison or DUI. They may say, “Love your podcast” or more likely, “Love your dad” but my scandals, I know, come immediately to mind. It doesn’t make me angry. I get it. I’m sure if I ran across James MacDonald or Mark Driscoll my own mind wouldn’t immediately turn to ways they have been used in the kingdom. My hope, however, is that if such a meeting should ever take place, following hot on the trail of their public failures would be this thought- “Jesus saves sinners like us.”
In the three and a half years since my arrest I have sought to live in light of that promise. I have been blessed to have some work in line with some of my skills. I have been blessed to be involved as a congregant of a local church body, Pine Hills Church, where Jesus is faithfully preached. I have written a few books, published a daily blog piece and this week marks the one year anniversary of the reboot of the Jesus Changes Everything podcast. I’ve taught home Bible studies, recorded a series for some friends in India and spoken a time or two.
There are those who take the position that my scandals disqualify me from ministry. I get that. There are others who leave that door open as long as the return is not rushed. Among that group some may believe that three and half years is long enough, and others who believe it is not. I get that. I don’t pretend to know the math to figure that out. Those who are in authority over me are given that task. The same is true, of course, with respect to the whole of my spiritual walk. Having been in the public eye, albeit in a rather small pond, it has been difficult to read my critics’ declaration that I am unrepentant, and worse, seeing others believe it. Many seem to take the view that unless I can walk through those first days again, right in front of them, that my repentance can’t be real.
The truth is that my heavenly Father has removed from me all my sins, as far as the east is from the west. I walk in the joy of my salvation. And, not because I’ve been recently rescued by it, but because it has always been my heart, I want to be about the business of telling people the glorious truth that Jesus changes everything.
One thing He has changed, working through my own sins, is my reach and my support. Trying to birth and grow Dunamis Fellowship on the heels of scandal, in the midst of a pandemic is not easy. Many of you are feeling the economic impact. As are we. How can you help? Here are five ways.
1. Prayer. Would you commit to pray that God would use us in the service of His saints? That He would direct, protect and provide for us?
2. A word of encouragement. Knowing that our work is making a difference puts wind in our sails. Even feedback with criticism at least lets us know we’re reaching an audience, and may help us to improve.
3. Spreading the word. Audience grows by audience. If Dunamis has been a help to you, chances are good it could be a help to your friends. Would you let them know all that we are doing? Would you let them know how we’ve helped you?
4. Financial gifts. If you’ve meant to support our work, now would be a great time. We have, apart from putting food on our table, ongoing expenses. Nothing, however, helps us carry on and plan for the future like ongoing, monthly support. Giving is simple. Just click on the donate button and follow the directions.
5. Last but not least, recognizing the reality of my own sins and my need for grace, let me ask this of you- never judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his scandals.
