No, and yes. We are called in Scripture, in several different places, to follow the pattern of our Maker in forgiving others. The God of heaven and earth is indeed swift to forgive. But His forgiveness is only given in the context of our repentance. (Though we would be wise to remember that He is the one who not only grants forgiveness in Christ, but by the Spirit grants the repentance in the first place.) If we will not repent, we will find ourselves paying for our sins into eternity. In like manner, Jesus Himself says, even in the context of encouraging us to forgive often in Luke 17: 3 and 4, that “If your brother sins, rebuke him and if he repents, forgive him…” Here again it would seem that if he does not repent, we have no obligation to forgive.
That said, and while I certainly never want to be accused of being more pious than God, of expecting us to go beyond what God requires, often the biblical injunction in these kinds of circumstances reminds us to look to ourselves. If we will be forgiven as we forgive, which we specifically ask God to do when we pray the prayer He taught us to pray, then we ought, I think to err on the side of grace. Do we really believe that we have fully, appropriately and completely repented of all our sins against God? Against our neighbors? Do you want God to forgive you only for those sins that you have specifically repented of? Are you that sure that you have a completely accurate understanding of the depth and scope of your own sins? If you do not have such complete knowledge of your sins against God and against others, isn’t it likely or at least possible, that those who have sinned against us are perhaps ignorant of what they have done? In fact, isn’t it possible that you have convicted them wrongly, and your unwillingness to forgive is actually a sin of falsely accusing a brother?
God didn’t put us on the planet, or in relationship with one another, so that we could always and everywhere parse out the exact measure of guilt among all parties and then seek the exact measure of repentance, followed by the doling out of the exact measure of forgiveness. This is no way to live. Those who are most desperate to keep score, in fact, are always those who do the worst job of keeping score. Their standard for what it takes to wrong another is ridiculously high. Their standard of what it takes to be wronged is ridiculously low. No. Our calling is to be overflowing with grace. We want to forgive much. We want to repent much. We want to be acutely aware of how we have wronged others, so that we can repent, and rejoice in God’s grace. We want to be numb to the wrongs of others, so that we can easily forgive, and rejoice in God’s grace.
I’m not suggesting, of course, that if a man tortures your puppy, infects you with cancer and spends his hours plotting how to destroy your reputation, and then goes to his grave spitting out vituperations against your family that you must forgive such a man. Rebuke such a man. And of he does not repent, hand him over to the bar of God’s justice. It is unlikely, however, that such a man exists in your life.
I aspire to live a life such that it would be fitting that my grave marker would say, “He was quick to repent.” I pray it might also say, “He was quick to forgive.” To the extent that I succeed, I will find myself living in greater peace.