Friends

Like everyone else I have former friends, friends, and future friends. Some of my former friends have committed grievous, scandalous sins and taught unsound doctrines. Some of my friends have committed grievous, scandalous sins and teach unsound doctrines. Some of my future friends have committed grievous, scandalous sins and teach unsound doctrines. And, just so we’re clear, all of my friends, past, present and future will commit grievous, scandalous sins and teach unsound doctrines. One more thing- I am a former friend, a friend and a future friend to others, despite my own grievous, scandalous sins and my own unsound doctrines.

Which ought to inform all of us that our friendships are not grounded in the avoidance of either grievous, scandalous sin or the teaching of unsound doctrine. The best of our friendships are grounded in Christ, the same Christ whose death has covered all our grievous, scandalous sins and whose Spirit is at work leading us all into all truth.

When we end or disavow friendships on the basis of either moral or doctrinal failure are we not implicitly denying our own moral and doctrinal failures? Are we not saying, “I’m better than that?” Are we not falling directly into the sin of Peter who, for fear of rejection by his Judaizing “friends” refused to maintain his public friendship with his uncircumcised friends? And are we not due the very rebuke that Paul rightly gave him? Of course there is a time to draw lines in the sand. That time, however, is almost always later than we think.

I fear that we fall into the temptation to maintain only those friendships that don’t cause us to lose friendships. Like an older sibling making a younger sibling walk five paces behind so as not to tarnish an image we shun those who bring us shame, missing the glorious truth that our entire future is built on the reality that our elder brother not only doesn’t require that we walk five paces behind Him, not only doesn’t walk beside us, but rather walks directly in front of us, straight into the oncoming cup of the wrath of the Father.

Some years ago I had a theological disagreement with a friend. I refused to allow that disagreement to end our friendship, though I did speak and write publicly against the error. My public disagreement, however, wasn’t good enough for many who tarred me with the same brush as my friend. I was a “known associate” of he who shall not be named. As I said in those days, “These people will not be satisfied unless I spit three times in the general direction of my friend.” And I refused to do so. What was interesting is that I came to believe that my friend didn’t actually believe the error, but was unwilling to spit three times in the direction of his friends who did believe the error. I got falsely tarred with the brush he got falsely tarred with that eventually led to Kevin Bacon.

The defining quality of friendship is loyalty. Not loyalty to behavior or secondary theological distinctives, but loyalty to people. That loyalty will, sooner or later, be tested. May we all, when that day comes, remember and reflect the loyal love, the hesed, that our brother, our husband, our king, our savior has for us, always and forever.