Grace is a virtue that is not only far more powerful than nice, but, not coincidently, is far more difficult to cultivate. All it takes to adopt a nice attitude toward others is to simply not care. Nice, in fact, is close kin to apathy. Grace, on the other hand, requires a right balance and right application of indifference, and passion.
Consider the indifference. Have you ever noticed that confusing phenomenon wherein you find it far easier to be angry with those with whom you have the most in common? The people closest to us, whether emotionally or ideologically, have the greatest capacity to test our patience. We expect little to nothing from our ideological enemies.
The truth is, however, that the greater issue is over what is under our jurisdiction. It is not my duty to make sure that in all issues everyone else be as sound as I think I am. I won’t answer to God for these things, and so can maintain peace because it’s outside of my control. All this is just a drawn out version of the punch line in the serenity prayer. As a big mouthed boor I usually do okay having the courage to try to change the things I can change. But it takes grace to be at peace about the things that I can’t. Understand that I’m not suggesting that I don’t care. I care deeply, but I don’t feel responsible.
Where does the passion come in? Often we destroy our peace with our brother because we lack a passionate commitment to the gospel. We miss three central truths, all of which are grounded in grace. First, we forget that we are sinners. One of the reasons we are so easily put out by others is we operate under the assumption that we are God. This, of course, is false. Nevertheless, we often lose patience with our brothers because they aren’t bowing and scraping before us. If we remember that perhaps they’re not throwing roses in our path might be because something we have done wrong, we will go a long way in keeping the peace.
Lesson two is like unto the first. If we are going to have peace with our brother, if we are going to be gracious instead of merely nice, we need to remember that like us, he is a sinner saved by grace. How can that help? We exhibit grace when we remember that we need grace, and when we remember that our brother needs it. The gospel, as it relates to our interpersonal relations, is in large part the call to forgive as we have been forgiven. If we remember that so and so is a sinner, we won’t be so put out when he actually sins. We will show grace, because we can understand how a sinner could end up doing such a thing.
The passion we are called to, however, is not simply a passionate remembrance of the condition in which Christ found us. It is not enough to say, “Well, I’m a sinner, you’re a sinner, so let’s just be friends.” We’re too sinful to be able to pull that off. We need, if we are to have peace with our brother, to have a passion for the ongoing grace of God.
This third thing though has two parts. “Oh Lord,” we pray, “indwell me, change me, make me more like You, so that I might love, show grace toward my brother that has this incredibly grating habit.” We have to rejoice in and live in the reality of our union with Christ. It is because we are in Him that we become more like Him. And no one knows more about showing grace than Jesus. In short, we need a passion to be more like our Savior and King.
We are called, however, not only to remember our union with Christ, but to remember our brother’s union with Christ. We have to have the passionate faith that says of sinful and annoying Brother Aggravatus, “Jesus Christ, my Lord and King, dwells therein. God our Father, when He gazes upon this brother, sees Jesus His Son. My duty and joy is to do the same.”
We must, if we would show grace to the brotherhood of grace, remember that, while we are called to encourage one another unto great works, and to be prophetic to each other, we are not responsible for the sanctification of those over whom we have not been placed in authority. That is, to have peace with our brother, we must have a peace about his incomplete sanctification. And then we must remember the gospel of grace, both in remembering what we were, and in remembering what we are, and in remembering what we will be. And then we will enjoy the peace that awaits the end of all war.