I Won’t Tell

NDA’s, None Disclosure Agreements, we are told, are now DOA, Dead On Arrival. They are condemned as anti-Christian tools of oppression, gag orders coming down from the man, cover-ups fueled by filthy lucre. Only the evil would ever pay someone not to say something. Often, however, they are used by businesses, even Christian organizations and churches, this way- Person A is let go. If person A agrees not to speak ill of their former employer, said employer will pay an agreed upon severance. Refuse to sign and severance is out the window. I can certainly see the concern. It looks like the employer is buying the silence of the former employee. At best it looks dodgy. At worst it is oppressive in the extreme. I can also acknowledge, however, that we live in a world where false accusations destroy, no matter the legal outcome. Got a disagreement with someone about whether or not you’ve done them wrong, or if they’ve wronged you? The Bible, it seems, at the very least acknowledges the benefits of private settlements-

“Do not go hastily to court;
For what will you do in the end,
When your neighbor has put you to shame?
Debate your case with your neighbor,
And do not disclose the secret to another;
Lest he who hears it expose your shame,
And your reputation be ruined” (Proverbs 25:8-10).

Sellers of Silence

What should we think, however, when instead of someone offering to buy the silence of another, someone offers to sell their silence to another? Suppose, for instance, Person A knows that Person B has done something wicked, something that would, if found out, rightly ruin Person B’s reputation, work, future income, marriage, life. Person A knows what Person B did, having shared in the evil deeds. Suppose that Person A is persuaded, having participated with Person B in his shameful acts, that Person B is a menace, a danger to others that should be stopped, and exposed. Suppose Person A, instead of humbly acknowledging her own guilt in the matter, instead of bravely, publicly exposing Person B in order to protect others, offers her silence, at the price of $5,000,000. “Give me the millions,” she says, “and I won’t tell anyone what we’ve done.” A real victim doesn’t throw future victims under the bus by selling her silence for the right price.

Seller’s Remorse

Pretty terrible, I know. About the only thing that could make it worse is if, after intense negotiations over the actual cost of Person A’s silence, agreement is reached on a sum, the check is written, and Person A commences to publicly grouse about how terrible it is that she is being held to the non-disclosure agreement she made. Her seller’s remorse shouldn’t trouble anyone but her and her husband. Whether the payout was $5,000,000 or $50,000 or $50 makes no difference. Remember the end of the story of an indecent proposal. A wealthy man asks a woman, “Will you sleep with me for $1,000,000?” The woman considers the offer and concedes that she would. He then asks, “Would you sleep with me for $100?” She, insulted, slaps him and asks, “What do you take me for?” He dryly replies, “We’ve already established that. We’re just haggling over the price.”

It Was the Man

There are those who will point to the power differential to excuse Person A’s sin. I understand that there is an increasing cultural acceptance of the silly notion that power differentials among adults can erase the capacity of the weaker person to give genuine consent, ideologies that condemn King David not for his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba, but for his “rape” of her. Perhaps I’ve been too culturally conditioned in egalitarianism, but I find such a perspective profoundly demeaning to women, a shameless infantilizing of God’s female image bearers. I believe, in short, that all adults, men and women, are responsible for their own actions. Crazy I know.

Grievous Guilt All Around

Nothing Person A did mitigates the deep and shocking guilt of Person B. And nothing Person B did mitigates the guilt of Person A. Person B was unfaithful to his spouse with Person A. Person A was unfaithful to her spouse with Person B. Person B added to his guilt by agreeing and paying to cover it up. Person A added to hers by offering, for the right price, to help him do so. Person A is no victim. Co-conspirators in infidelity, co-conspirators in cover-up.