Thesis 41 We must not discipline our children in anger.
Paul encourages fathers to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. He then warns us not to provoke our children to wrath. The serpent would have us believe that the first command is that we would encourage our children to be obedient, and the second is a warning that we not take it too far. If we’re too strict, psychologists tell us, we will only encourage rebellion. The psychologists ought to know a fair bit about rebellion, because here they are in rebellion against God’s Word. It is a failure to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord that leads to rebellion, not being too strict.
That failure, more often than not, flows out of our own sinful motives in how and why we discipline our children. When our Father in heaven disciplines us, He does not do so to punish us, to even the scales of justice. That punishment happened nearly 2000 years ago. While retribution has its place, it is not a part of family discipline within the church. God’s goal with His children is what ours ought to be with ours, to see them grow in grace and wisdom. We punish for the purpose of sanctification.
When we punish in anger, however, we are merely pulling rank. We are merely asserting our greater power over the child. When we punish in anger we communicate to the child, “You have wronged my royal person, and you must be made to pay.” If we would raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, we would already know this about ourselves- we’re dead. We’ve died to self. As such, we cannot be wronged. If our child mistreats us our concern, if we are dead, isn’t that we have been mistreated, but that the child that we love has given opportunity for sin. Our concern is that our child hasn’t yet put to death his or her sin nature. When we are wronged, (and this is true of the whole body of Christ, not just true in our individual families) our concern should be more for the one doing the wrong, rather than ourselves.
We are called to discipline our children. We are told by God that the rod will drive folly far from a child (Proverbs 22:15). Our desire for them is that it would go well for them in the land. God tells us that this will come to pass as they learn to honor their fathers and their mothers. If, however, we use the rod in anger, we not only will not drive folly far from the child, but will drive it into the child. Our folly will provoke our children to wrath. And if we drive them to wrath, we can rest assured that it will not go well for them in the land. If we would bless our children, we must treat them as blessings, and teach them to seek the blessings of God by honoring those in authority over them.