Some of our deepest challenges as believers involve dealing with the sins of others, particularly those whom we love. Whether it is a relative struggling with addiction, a best friend unfaithful to his spouse, or a loved one embracing sexual perversion we often feel caught between our genuine love for the sinner, our concern for the victims and our genuine revulsion at the sin. The bromide “Hate the sin, love the sinner,” while at least infused with a touch of wisdom, doesn’t typically answer all the hard questions.
When confronted with tough moral calls it’s often wise to slow down and define our terms. First, let’s consider what it means to attend a wedding. Attending a wedding is not at all like attending a concert, or going to a movie. First, when we attend a wedding we are endorsing it. There is a reason for the “publishing of the bans”- that part of marriage ceremony wherein the officiant asks for reasons the two should not be married. If we “hold our peace” we are in fact affirming the legitimacy of the wedding. Secondly, when we attend a wedding we are there to serve as witnesses of the vows. We are a legal party to the proceedings, with a call to see that the vows are kept. Is that something Christians should be doing?
It is true enough that there are plenty of reasons why Christians are called to object to some heterosexual marriages. Those unbiblically divorced are not in fact free to marry, and Christians should not attend such weddings either, for the same reasons. The argument isn’t that both parties are sinners, and therefore we shouldn’t go. All those who marry are sinners. The question is, is the wedding itself biblical?
Which brings us to our second term, “wedding.” One could argue that my original question is moot for the simple reason that there is no such thing as homosexual weddings. You can no more witness a homosexual wedding than you could draw a square circle. Weddings are between men and women. That said, those participating in these events believe they are participating in a wedding. Our attendance, no matter how well intentioned, encourages them in their delusion. Which is one key reason why they so object to our not attending their weddings, or our not beautifying them with cakes and flowers. If we won’t admit that the naked emperor is dressed to the nines, the state will be called and we will be ruined.
Homosexuality is at one and the same time like other sins and unlike other sins. It is like other sins in that it is forgivable, and a sin for which Jesus died. After all, such once were we (I Corinthians 6:9-11). While the behavior is rightly revolting, those caught up in it bear God’s image and are not beyond the reach of grace. It is unlike some sins, however, for two reasons. First, it is gross and heinous sin. The folly that all sins are equal has done great damage in the church and in the world. All sins are cosmic rebellion and are due the eternal wrath of God. But that doesn’t mean they are equal. Second, unlike most other sins, this is a sin that its practitioners insist is no sin at all. Greed is wicked, but we don’t have parades celebrating it. This is a sin that in our day glories in its shame. Do we really want to join in that glory by attending their “weddings?”
I know it is difficult. I know it is painful and can divide families. I know it makes us look to the world like bigots and haters. But that, friends, is a shame we truly can glory in, for He promises us blessing (Matthew 5:10-12). This doesn’t, of course, mean we abandon homosexuals, or have nothing to do with them. Jesus often met sinners where they were. But He always called them to come to Him. He calls us to do the same.
It isn’t at all unusual, when I am scrolling through twitter to see someone tweet some version of this simple but poignant idea- I miss RC. These are people who, like me, benefitted from his teaching and were charmed by his way. I, on the other hand, also miss my dad. I miss him as dad.
Other people, on the other hand, have from time to time, looked for imagined dirt. Some have even imagined they have found it. Some years ago, while he was still with us, I received a private message from someone asking if it were true that my father had secretly adopted some heretical idea and that my relationship with him was strained because of it. Such was what he had been told. Of course my father had no secret views. Neither, I would argue, did he have any heretical views. And, finally, my relationship with him was never in the least strained.
Many have wondered over the years how we avoided strain. After all, we did, from time to time, disagree. Perhaps harder still is the fact that I lived in his shadow. It’s true and we all know it. But there is no good reason to resent it. We shared the same basic convictions. We both wrote, spoke and preached. But, as I have noted before, to say that we did the same thing is like saying a paper airplane and the space shuttle are both man-made flying machines.
There are rare times that I bristle at being under his shadow. I get a smidge annoyed, for instance, when the rare nugget of wisdom that drops from my lips gets attributed to him. I’ve found, however, a pretty good solution to such moments- repentance. I ask my heavenly Father to forgive me for the folly of wanting credit for the things He gave me. And the truth of the matter is, the way my heavenly Father has given me things has mostly been through my earthly father. I don’t just live in his shadow- I am his shadow. That is, any wisdom that comes out of my mouth went into my mind because I was learning from him. And of course, coming from my mouth it is less substantial than coming from his.
God didn’t put me on this planet to make a name for myself, nor to increase the fame of my father. Rather He put me here to pursue His glory. When I preach, teach or write I am not seeking career advancement or attainment. I am instead seeking to serve the kingdom, and its King. It’s true that because of my love and respect for him, I hope always to make my father proud. But I want him to be proud of my fidelity, not my skills.
For many years my father and I had a ritual, a liturgy if you will. Just before he was about to get up and speak at our national conference I would whisper three words into his ear- tell the truth. And ever since when I walk toward a pulpit, sit before a microphone or put fingers to a keyboard I hear him saying the same thing to me. That’s the truth. And that’s why it’s such a blessing living in the shadow of love. I’m perfectly comfortable in his shadow, because there we are together, in His shadow.
Thesis 76 We must believe that blessing comes to our children as they learn to honor their parents.
While there is surely no neutral ground in the ongoing battle between the seed of the serpent and the seed of the woman, there are those places where the image of God remains comparatively strong even among those outside His saving grace. Mothers, like the rest of us, are sinners sure enough. But a mother’s love for her child is something that extends well beyond the confines of the church. Parents, as a general rule, believers and unbelievers alike agree, want to see their children live good lives.
Where the antithesis comes in is two-fold. First, what do we mean by good lives, and second, what is the path to getting there? Sadly, the church may be at its most worldly right here, agreeing with the world as to what the good life looks like and how to get there. The American Dream works something like this- work hard in school. That will enable you to attend a more competitive college. That will give you a leg up on the best grad schools, which will clear the path for the best jobs. Then you’ll be able to live in the best neighborhoods where your children can get a good education. Why? So they can attend a more competitive college, which gives them a leg up… ad nauseam. I call this hell’s hamster wheel. We need to get off.
According to the Word of God the good life is not measured by bank accounts or educational opportunities, but by walking with our Lord. It comes from following the path He has set out for us, in submission to His law. Which brings us to how we get there.
God’s Word, right out in the open, in a passage virtually everyone is familiar with, tells us where that path is. He says in Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” There it is, the secret to a good life. Understand that “that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you” isn’t a promise just for those first to enter into the Promised Land. The promise is for all of Abraham’s children, including us.
It’s kind of scary, isn’t it? Wouldn’t we feel just a bit more secure if we knew our children had secured a good job? Is it, after all, safe to trust in something as amorphous and ephemeral as God’s promises? Surely He wants our children to prosper. Surely He knows they’ll do that if we help them secure skills that are in great demand. All my friends are building their children’s homes right here on this lovely beach. Nice houses too.
The storm clouds are already on the way. The thunder is no longer distant. To reform the church we must build our homes upon the Rock. We must teach our children to honor their parents, and rest knowing this is the path to His blessing. Nothing else will do.
Tonight, 7 eastern, we continue our ABCs of Theology Study, looking at O is for Ontological Trinity. All are welcome in our home or on FB live, RC-Lisa Sproul. We pray you’ll join us.
Because we’re people. The problem isn’t in the money. Which means, by the way, that one does not become more greedy than someone else by having more than someone else. Greed afflicts the rich and the poor and everyone in between. Our fallen humanity encourages the folly of greed in at least two ways.
First, and most obvious, because we are sinners we see ourselves as more important than others. We believe we are due more simply by virtue of being who we are, our august and deserving selves. That others may be in need is a problem. That problem will have to be solved with the wherewithal of someone other than me. I can’t be expected to get by on less because, well, let’s be honest, because I’m me.
The second form is harder to see, but just as common. Because we are sinners we think we should hold on to all that we have. We also think, however, that everyone who doesn’t share our priorities is obviously stupid and selfish, and, ironically, greedy. The unrivaled Dr. Thomas Sowell put it well when he wrote, “I have never understood why it is ‘greed’ to want to keep the money you have earned but not greed to want to take somebody else’s money.” We accuse others of greed because they don’t want to spend their money on the things we want them to spend their money on.
We seem to think that someone else’s failure to put their money where my mouth is is proof positive of their greed. If they weren’t holding on so tightly to all that filthy lucre they could put it in my clean hands. Or they could put it in the clean hands of those for whom I shill. Here’s my corollary to Sowell’s insight, “I have never understood why wealth makes a person greedy and that’s why we need to spread it around.” If money causes greed, giving money to others is like kissing them after finishing off the buffet at Wuhan Wings and Things.
How would you respond if I gave you this counsel? First, I want you to work hard. Second, I want you to give away ten percent of what you earn. Third, I want you, every year, to take ten percent of what you earn, whether it’s a little or a lot, the whole ten percent, and I want you to buy whatever you want. If you made $50,000 this year and want $5000 worth of the world’s best cabernet, then do it. If you made $1,000,000 and the original ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz are $100,000 and that’s what you want, get those shoes.
This, by the way, is not actually my counsel. Instead it is God’s commands. Exodus 20:9 commands that we work hard. Malachi 3:10 commands that we pay our tithes. Deuteronomy 14:23-26 covers the third one, what some call “the party tithe.” If God tells you to buy, with ten percent of your income, what you want, and I tell you He wants you instead to give that ten percent to the poor, whom should you heed? Who is being greedy, you with your new stuff, or me with my sour posture toward your new stuff? Which of us is living in submission to God’s Word, and which of us is seeking to subvert God’s Word with our own? Which one of us needs to repent and believe the good news? That would be me.
