We’re So Vain

Some things we never quite leave behind this side of the veil. Try as we might to mature and to grow beyond this peculiar brand of foolishness, I’m afraid that at heart we are still junior high girls. Our problem isn’t, I trust, that we talk on the telephone too long, or that we go through life still having a crush on David Cassidy or some Back Street Boy. No, our problem is we think ourselves masters of motives. You remember either saying, or hearing someone say, “I was at the mall, and Susie was walking the other way. So then I smiled and waved and said, ‘Hey Susie,’ and she wouldn’t even look at me. She just walked on by. She is just so stuck-up.” We, I hope, wouldn’t say this anymore, but we still practice the same kind of foolishness.

We conclude, for instance, that such and such a family never comes to pot-luck suppers because they think they’re better than us. We conclude that this other family bought a new car because the husband works too hard or charges too much for the work he does. We think the pastor preached the sermon he preached because he has assumed the worst about us, when he doesn’t even really know our situation.

The root of this isn’t simply immaturity, but pride. The pride has at least two conduits through which it flows. First, we think ourselves far too clever. What we actually know is that family A doesn’t come to pot-luck suppers, family B has a new car and pastor C preached a sermon. There are equally plausible explanations for each of these events. Perhaps family A has one child with horrible food allergies, another child who will fall into a tailspin if he doesn’t get a nap, and a third child that doesn’t need an excuse to fall into a tailspin. Maybe family A, rather than thinking they are better than others, is actually ashamed of their family’s behavior in this kind of setting. Maybe they don’t come because they don’t think they measure up. Perhaps family B was given the new car by friends or family. Perhaps it’s a company car. Perhaps some other business cheated them, and with the settlement money they bought a car. Perhaps, and don’t let this shock you, God has prospered family B, and they bought a new car. As for the pastor, maybe he was preaching the next text, and in God’s providence it hit a sin you think others might perceive in you.

There is a second way this folly flows from pride. Not only are these sinless explanations plausible, but it is likewise probable that these plausible answers have nothing to do with you. That is, we fall for junior high girl syndrome only when we begin to think the world revolves around us. We’re so vain, I bet we think this post is about us, don’t we, don’t we?

God, though He might very well be surprised by the existence of junior high schools, is not surprised by the existence of junior high girls. He has given us the antidote. The antidote is love. Love, God tells us, suffers long and is kind. It does not envy, nor does it parade itself. It is not puffed up, and does not behave rudely. Now these are all great things about love. But they are only tangentially related to our concern. But then comes these three- love does not seek its own, is not provoked, and thinks no evil. This first, does not seek its own, is rather more sophisticated than not wrestling for the television remote. It means spending less time thinking on how our loved ones have hurt us, and more time thinking through how we might help our loved one. “Is not provoked” doesn’t mean that we take our emotions and clamp them down to avoid a reaction. We do not, because so far we haven’t said anything about the record of wrongs we are keeping, pat ourselves on the back. We instead keep no record at all. We avoid being provoked simply by following the next injunction, thinking no evil. That is, if we practice a judgment of charity, which is rather easy to do once we have died to self, then it takes no effort to keep cool.

It’s true enough that we are to be wise as serpents. There are bad guys out there who want our money, and will cheat to get it, who want to borrow our reputation, and will manipulate to get it. But it may just be that the path to getting beyond junior high girls is to become elementary school girls. What we need is an innocence that simply believes that others love us, and want what’s best for us. What we need is an innocent trust that God will protect us and take care of us. May He give us the grace to grow younger as we grow closer.