James in his epistle gives us this command, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (1:19). Perhaps we struggle with this command because we are too swift to move past the test. We don’t slow down enough to work out what we’re commanded to here.
We know, for instance, that there are plenty of places and contexts wherein we should be eager to speak. We’re commanded to be ready to give an answer for the hope that is in us (I Peter 3:!5). We are to boldly proclaim the good news of Jesus Christ. The “slow to speak” is likely best understood in the context of the rest of the verse, which focuses on anger. The speech we’re to be slow to seems to be speech that might flow out of a position of anger. Which is often when we are most eager to speak. Anger, whether just or unjust, is not conducive to deliberation. Like steam building in a pressure cooker, it wants out, now.
The first step of being slow to speak is to step back from those emotions. A wise man recognizes his own anger, and remembers that there have been times in his past where a. his anger was unjust b. or his just anger wasn’t best served by angry words. He stops, sets aside his anger and assesses the situation carefully, dispassionately. “Have I misunderstood?” “Am I being over-sensitive?” “Could there be an alternate explanation for the data that is making me angry?” “Did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”
If our anger remains intact after these questions, next we need to take the time to assess our goals. “What am I seeking to accomplish with my words right now?” “Are my words conducive to building up the saints?” “Is now the time for the soft answer that turns away wrath?” (Proverbs 15:1).
Honest answers to these questions are powerful tools to helping guard our relationships. If my goal is to punish with my words the one whom I believe is responsible for my anger, that’s a good sign I need to slow down. If my anger flows out of the perspective that I am of great importance and those who fail to recognize this are fools who should feel my wrath, then I need not only to slow down but to repent. The experience of anger should be a potent goad to examining my own heart and motives.
Once I am calm I’m in a better position to make my words helpful for a better relationship. I can be a peacemaker, de-escalating rather than pouring gas on the fire. I can be a herald for God’s Word rather than competition against it.
That said, it may be that after careful thought it might be fitting and necessary to express anger. David, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit writes, “Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies (Psalm 139:21-22). When my dignity is under attack, it may be, as David said of Shimei, that it is the very voice of God (II Samuel 16). When His dignity is under attack, however, we are called to arms, and to voices. Even then, however, we must slow down at least long enough to make sure we aren’t confusing our own dignity with His.