What’s the worse thing you’ve ever done?

My friend and co-author Paul Derry said it, and I’ll never forget it. We were talking about working together on a book, that book which became Call Me Barabbas. I was concerned my battered reputation might hurt his chances to tell his story. He listened patiently as I told him about my grievous sins that led to my “cancellation.” But then he asked me this, “RC, have you ever killed a man? Because I think I’ve got you beat.” I knew then I was dealing with a man who understands grace.

The truth is, however, that I have killed a man. That said, Paul is still ahead of me, because he’s killed two. The one we killed together, however, is far worse than the one he killed without me. The difference between the two victims was this- one was a drug-dealing, hit making, woman abusing Hell’s Angel. The other was much worse. He was a killer. He was an adulterer, idolater, liar, thief. He spewed forth the vilest curses and falsely accused others. The worst thing He ever did was kill an innocent man, Him. The second victim was Jesus, who died under the curse of every sin I ever committed, that Paul ever committed, that the Apostle Paul ever committed, that David ever committed, that Abraham ever committed, that you ever committed. He was those horrible things because our sin was imputed to Him, and we are those horrible things. In Himself, He was innocent. Paul, and I, and you if you are His, crucified the Lord of Glory. None of the innumerable other wrongs I’ve ever done are worthy to be compared.

Some, even professing Christians, bristle under this accusation. They want to throw their guilt on the Pharisees or the Romans. They’re willing to cop to their own lesser sins, to admit they fall short of perfection. But this? Do we really have to admit our responsibility for His death? Can’t we be better than those who really are guilty? No, no we can’t. In His coming to die for our lesser sins we are the cause of the great sin. We crucified the Lord of Glory. He came to rescue us by name, one by one. And as the saying goes, He would have gone to the cross were I, or you the only one. Had we not sinned He would not have needed to suffer in our place. Which places His suffering on our rap sheet.

I honestly don’t understand why anyone would be reluctant to own this sin, of crucifying the Lord of Glory. What are we afraid of? Do we think it’s too awful a sin to be forgiven? Ah, there’s the beauty of the gospel. It is precisely because it’s such a horror, the suffering of the innocent Christ for us, that the suffering of the innocent Christ for us atones for our sins, all of them. I crucified the Lord of glory. He laid down His life for me, murderer of an Innocent Man though I am. Death, however, could not hold Him and the third day He rose again from the dead, vindicating Himself, and me, His crucifier, with Him. Hallelujah, what a savior.