Because that’s what the boys like. Big Eva does not match the world’s standard of desirability. Her hair is a hot mess; she’s kind of flabby and her voice can be incredibly grating. She realizes that her only hope of attracting the object of her desire is an utter lack of chastity. Because the world knows it can always have its way with her, he likes to keep her nearby. Because she is not so much of a fox, he likes to keep her in the shadows.
I admit there was a time in my life when I embraced the spirit of Big Eva. I had this moment of epiphany, an insight that I thought could change the world. What if, I wondered, I could be a Christian, and cool at the same time? What if I could be less Urkel, more, to mix time frames, Fonzie? Surely this revolutionary strategy would undo centuries of the church being consigned to the backwaters? In my defense, when I had this great insight I wasn’t old enough to use real scissors.
What may be the most humiliating part of this strategy is when people speak it out loud. For decades one of the largest high school campus ministries explicitly taught its leaders to target the star quarterback and the popular cheerleader for conversion, because everyone else would follow them. What was once the largest church in the country actually went door to door not to proclaim the gospel but to ask unbelievers what they didn’t like about church. Those things disliked were promptly removed from the “worship” service.”
Big Eva’s desperation never gets more glaring than when it comes to her hot pursuit of academic credibility. Individuals do so by tossing aside the plain teaching of Genesis like a modest cardigan. Institutions, however, stand up boldly to proclaim their goals. Fuller Seminary began its history with the same wisdom I had as a little boy, affirming that they would be both faithful to God’s Word and be academically respected. Guess which one they tossed aside?
Jesus rebuked His followers in the Sermon on the Mount for worrying about such petty things as what they would eat and wear. Now His followers worry about what His enemies think of them. We are desperate for the approval of those our Lord disapproves of. We are as idolatrous as Judah was as the Chaldeans were marching their way. And we can expect as much protection from our paramours as the Chaldeans gave the Judeans. We can expect our shame to be exposed.
What Big Eva needs is less big and more eva. She needs to give up her aspirations and embrace her calling, to rest in, love and serve her true Husband, the risen and reigning Lord Jesus Christ. What I need is to put to death my own desires to please men, to instead take up my cross daily. Big Eva gets around. May she return to the One who bought her, not with money to take her, but with His blood, to redeem her.