It is a manifestation of a prior irony, a particular fruit from a specific noxious tree. The broader problem is this- that we, those who are Reformed in our theology, are a profoundly proud group of people. We have come to embrace a system of thought that was itself designed to highlight His glory and our wretchedness, and yet strangely we have come to be proud that we have done so.
We don’t really believe in unconditional election- we think God peered through the corridor of time, saw that we would become Calvinists, and wisely chose us. The prior problem, however, the first fruit, is that we, in our proud defense of total depravity tend to show that we don’t believe in total depravity. That is, we affirm an abstract doctrine, “People are corrupt in every part of their being and do not have it in themselves to embrace the work of Christ” while refusing to sing the actual doctrine which says, “Amazing grace, that saved a wretch like me.”
The point of total depravity is less to understand the generic inability of generic man, but to come to terms with the specific wickedness of me. When the Bible tells us “None is righteous, no not one” the self-righteous declare, “That’s right- none of you all are righteous.” The righteous in Christ, instead affirm, “That’s right, I’m a horrible sinner.” The devil believes in total depravity. The regenerate cry out “Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner.”
The problem with this problem, however, is not about us. That is, the end goal isn’t that we would have a precisely accurate view of our own sin so that our minds might better match reality. That is only a means to a better end. We need to come to understand the depth, the scope, the vileness of our sin so that we might better understand, rejoice in, proclaim, and praise the grace of God.
There are two great truths about the scope of our sin. First, you can’t over-exaggerate it. There is no way to describe our sin that makes it look worse than it is. Second, our sin can never outdistance His grace. No matter how bad we are, no matter how deep our corruption, the grace of God is bigger still. Amazing.
Were we wise, we would see our foolishness as perhaps the most astounding manifestation of our sin. That is, we are so sinful we deny our sin. The wickedness of our hearts is at work less when we commit the more flamboyant sins, and more when we quietly, peacefully, privately, justify our own sins. We expose our sin the most when we seek to cover our sin. We are accomplished rationalizers. First, while it is true that not all sins are as bad as others (remember Jesus chastened the scribes and Pharisees for “neglecting the weightier matters of the law”), we use as our scale not the revelation of God, but our own habits.
The really bad sins are those we are least tempted toward, whereas our own sins are mere peccadilloes. Second, we gather together mountains of mitigations. Well, yes I was short with my little girl, but I’ve had a very hard day, my head hurts, and the dishwasher isn’t working. Meanwhile our little girl is thinking, “Sure, I failed to clean up my room and had the radio turned up too high, but I’ve had a hard day. I had to hand wash dishes, and deal with my grumpy dad.”
Third, we nuance the sins themselves. We practice selfish conjugation. You know how we conjugate our terms- I am frugal; you are cheap; he is miserly. We turn our bitterness, which is really anger at God for His providence into “I was insufficiently grateful.” We yell at our little boy and call it a lack of self-control rather than a verbal assault on the defenseless.
The worst tool in our diabolical box is this. We diminish the scope of our sin by diminishing the holiness of God. It is right and fitting that we should take into account the nature of our victim in assessing our guilt. It is not so bad to kill a fly as it is to shoot the neighbor’s dog, which is not nearly so bad as shooting the neighbor. All of which, the fly, the dog and the neighbor are minuscule in comparison to the God who made them.
The truly ghastly thing about shooting our neighbor isn’t that he’s a man, but that he bears the image of God. We sin against the eternal Creator and Sustainer of the universe. We dishonor His law. We treat His name as a plaything. We come to worship Him on His day, and allow our minds to wander back to work, to our favorite sports team. We, who owe Him everything, refuse to give thanks, refuse to give obeisance, refuse to give heed, refuse to give honor. Every moment that He keeps us from the flames of hell, that is amazing grace.
And it is all so much worse. Above I am able to catalog only those sins that my pride and my cowardice will allow. I am too proud, sinner that I am, to really describe the kind of sinner that I am. My private thoughts, the useless things that I long for, even these live in the shadow of what lies in the shadows of my heart that I can’t even look at, far less expose to others. I only know the barest surface of my sins, that lie beneath me like a vast ocean. There is no sin that I am not capable of, with ease. You, I suspect, are no better.
But grace is. This great Apollyon monster, this great Goliath of sin that delights to daily taunt me, this shocking, stunning cesspool of my sin, is all felled by grace. Our Lord, in taking on flesh, takes up five smooth stones. Our Lord, in walking into that valley, was lifted up on that cross. Our Lord, in flinging that stone, committed His Spirit into the Father’s hands. Our Lord, in taking Goliath’s own sword to cut off his head, is pierced by the spear of the Roman soldier. Our Lord, in displaying that head rose from the dead and walked out of the tomb.