We all have the propensity to conjugate adjectives. Here we take a series of pseudo-synonyms, words that are kissing cousins, and apply them from first to worst based on the proximity of the one we’re speaking of. Consider these three words or phrases, “careful with money,” “cheap,” and “miserly.” All three express a similar idea and in a pinch could be traded one for another. But we typically end up conjugating this way- “I am careful with money,” “You are cheap,” “He is miserly.” Words carry with them a range of meaning and those who are devious are not averse to using that fact to their advantage.
One of the ways we do this is with respect to sin. Sins could be considered failures in judgment, giving in to our baser nature and high-handed rebellion against the living God. We tend to conjugate the same way- “I had a failure in judgment,” “You gave in to your baser nature,” “He is in high-handed rebellion against the living God.” Thankfully, we are reasonably skeptical when a person describes his own sins as failures in judgment. We see how self-serving such a description is. Where we are less astute, understandably given the monolithic reign of victimhood, is seeing how self-serving our accusations are against others.
Sometimes, in fact, it is our failure to avail ourselves of nuanced meanings that makes room for this. Consider the word “abuse.” We all agree it’s a bad thing. Nobody wants to be on the receiving end of abuse and, except for when we are guilty of it, no one wants to be guilty of it. The question is, how bad is it? There has been increasing cries within the evangelical church to include abuse as a biblical just cause for divorce. There are different ways of coming at this. Some outstanding scholars have argued that physical abuse falls within the range of meaning of “sexual immorality” that our Lord affirms is just grounds for divorce. Many others, however, have simply insisted that because abuse is so bad, of course it’s biblical grounds for divorce.
My goal here isn’t to settle that issue. Rather it is to consider a vital question that must be answered first, what is abuse? Every husband in the world, save One, has been guilty of abusing his wife. Every father in the world, save One, has been guilty of abusing His children. Every wife in the world has been guilty abusing her husband and her children. And every child in the world has been guilty of abusing their parents. Does this mean then that every wife has biblical grounds for divorce, every husband having the same? Every sin is a form of abuse, just as every momentary, illicit thought is a form of adultery. Verbal abuse is abuse. I concur wholeheartedly. Emotional abuse is abuse. Sad but true. This is the scope of sin in our lives.
When we perceive ourselves to be victims we want every wrong we’ve experienced to be categorized as the most grievous of wrongs. We want micro-aggressions to be treated as compelling proof of massive conspiracy. We see those who seek to reign in our perceptions as enablers and victim-blamers. The truth is every single one of us is both a victim and a victimizer. Where we are the former we need compassion and understanding. Where we are the latter we need conviction, repentance and forgiveness. We’d all be wise to distrust our own ability, or that of our dearest friends, to make that determination.