Are you a narcissist?

Of course I am. That is, if you define a narcissist as someone who thinks too highly of himself, who is blind to many of his own flaws, who is given to self-interest. Exhibit A- this blog piece. I ask the question. I answer the question. The question is about me. Case closed. That said, my goal in writing this isn’t to help you understand me better but to help you understand you better, and Jesus better. The truth is that with a definition as broad as the one I gave above we all are found guilty. I am a narcissist because I am an I, just like you.

If, however, the question is, does my behavior, mindset meet the standard set by the DSM-5, psychiatry’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for narcissism, then the answer gets rather more complicated. First, to their credit, the creators of the DSM-5 acknowledge that they haven’t arrived at all truth. Which is why they have created 5 manuals already, with more on the way. Psychiatry’s assessments tend to be moving targets. Second, even if the standard never changed, it is less than precise and notoriously difficult to apply to actual people. Third, narcissism isn’t really a thing. It might work as a description of a behavior or mindset but it’s not a virus you catch. Am I then a narcissist in this sense? Of course not. And neither are you. Neither, I suspect, is anyone. It’s not an “is” thing. As soon as it becomes an “is” thing we’re back to our fallen nature, to sin.

Because of this equivocation on the word it has become a potent weapon in the hands of narcissists. Because we are all surrounded by selfish people, everywhere we turn, we can present anyone as a narcissist in the first sense, while hoping to lay the condemnation of the second sense on others all so, wait for it… the one we’re talking to will listen to us talk further about ourselves and feel deeper sympathy for us. Or to put it another way, we accuse others of abusing us with their narcissism to feed our own narcissism.

On the other hand, if instead of slandering someone with the accusation we are accusing someone to their face, we create a self-fulfilling prophecy. I call you a narcissist. If you admit it, I win. I mean, how narcissistic do you have to be to actually admit it? If, however, I accuse and you deny, I win. Isn’t it just like a narcissist to be blind to his narcissism? Heads I win, tails you lose. Which is why we probably ought to expunge the word from our working vocabulary.

The Bible is clear when dealing with the hard realities of our sins. It clearly condemns us all for our propensity for selfishness. It calls on us to die to self, to not think too highly of ourselves, to esteem others above ourselves. Note, however, that it’s us, ourselves, not them, others. Narcissus got stuck looking into the mirror of the pond, utterly entranced by his own image. Let us instead look to the mirror of God’s Word, acknowledge our flaws, repent and be entranced by the beauty of our Redeemer. He died for narcissists like us.