Jesus, we ought to remember, was betrayed twice by His disciples. While the betrayal of Judas carried Jesus inexorably toward His passion, the betrayal of Peter was of the same dark hue. Both pushed Jesus away as the other, both left Him to the accusations of others. And, it should not be forgotten, both responded to their betrayal of our Lord with sorrow. Two duplicitous, disloyal cowards. Two grievous sins. Two hearts weighed down with despair. But there the paths diverge.
Judas, in his anguish, took his own life. Peter, in his anguish, turned to the One he had betrayed, to the One who gives life. Judas’ sorrow led him further from his only hope. Peter’s sorrow led him toward his only hope. Which, in the end, is how we tell the difference between the accusations of the devil and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Godly sorrow drives us into the arms of Christ.
The irony is that godly repentance can sometimes tempt others to doubt the genuineness of our repentance. We make the mistake of thinking that the sign of the authenticity of one’s repentance is to continue in despair. But when we come to Christ in our repentance we remember the joy of our salvation. We enter into the forgiveness He has won for us. We move from mourning to dancing. Wearing a long face is all too easy. It looks pious on us. But the impiety is the implicit unbelief in the power of the gospel.
Jesus came to save sinners, of which I am the chief. Now I can respond to this truth in one of two ways. I can zero in on the conclusion in such a way as to deny the beginning. I am a sinner, the very chief of sinners. But that makes me the very object of Christ’s saving work. My joy is not that I am a sinner, but that I am forgiven. To require that I carry with me a hangdog expression, that I walk through my days like a dejected Charlie Brown is to deny that Jesus saved me, that He has covered my sins, even the ones others, including the devil, love to throw up in my face.
When the devil accuses his goal is less to get us to recognize our sin (what good could that do him?) but rather to encourage us to doubt His grace. He shows us our sins and asks, “How could God possibly love you when you do these things, when you are this thing?” The right answer isn’t, “I’m better than you say” but “How could God? Because Jesus suffered the wrath of God due for my sins. My Father not only forgives me, but loves me. He not only loves me but has adopted me. And He has promised that He will never let me go.” When the Spirit convicts His goal is to get us to recognize our sin precisely so we will better grasp His grace. He invites us to come to the Father for forgiveness and peace. The devil leads us into the valley of darkness, the Spirit leads us into the mountain of light, and grace.